Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Brain Tumorversary Day...

Anniversary.  Birthday.  I don't quite know what to call it.  All I know is 1 year ago today, Jon was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  We have survived a full year.  When I mentioned to Jon that this date was approaching, he paused and said, "I can't believe I've lived with this eye pain for a year now."  If my kids were to comment on today marking 1 year, they would say, "I can't believe our dad has looked different for a full year."  If you were to talk to our parents, they would say, "I can't believe we've prayed this fervently for a year now."  If you asked Jon's co-workers about today, they would say, "I can't believe it's been a year since you've led worship at church." But me?  I can't believe we've survived a full year.  365 days is a lot of days.  The impact of those days are different, depending on who you ask.  Those 365 days held long nights in the hospital.  They held therapy appointments where Jon learned to eat, drink, walk, balance, throw, catch... again.  The past 365 days held months of Jon not being able to drive.  5, to be exact.   Those 365 days have held tears and pain and questions.  They have held celebrations and rejoicing and victories.  We have watched God show up in very practical ways through very beautiful people.  We have experienced the "peace that surpasses understanding" and can testify to its power.  We have experienced miracles that doctors cannot explain.  We have heard God say "Yes."  We have heard God say "No."  And we have heard Him say "Not yet."    And through each day, we have fallen deeper in love with each other.  We have fallen deeper in love with our children.  And we have fallen deeper - much deeper - in love with our Creator God.   Gratitude is our chief emotion.

Over the next few days, I plan to feel. More than I do on a day to day basis.  I want to let myself feel what I felt a year ago.   I plan to remember.  I plan to read texts I sent one year ago...  Telling of shock and disease and fear.  I plan to process it with Jon.  And hear what he feels.  The 24 hours between diagnosis and surgery was a blur.  We didn't have much time to think and process and feel.  So I want to go back to that place.  And feel it again.   I plan to grieve and celebrate.  And remember where our God has brought us from.  What He has done.  To see the deep deep pit and sit in wonder at His goodness.

One year ago today, our lives changed.  We lost much.  We gained much more.  Lost physical things. Gained spiritual things.  The trade off has been painful but beautiful.  I have never trusted God more. I have never believed Him more.  I have never known His faithfulness more.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.  
And to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know, "Thus sayeth the Lord"

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him over and over
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more.  

Happy Brain Tumorversary Day, Jon Ramsay.
You are the most courageous, handsome man I know.

And Happy Brain Tumorversary, God.
If I didn't know you so well, I'd think you were just showing off for the past year.   ;)
Thank you.


YOU GUYS!!!!! Tonight, we drove to Mission Hospital, went to the ER, waited for an hour, and then got to hug, look into his eyes, and thank our ER DOCTOR from one year ago tonight! This doctor saved Jon's life! He trusted his gut when Jon came in with his headache, and ordered the most extensive tests. We just HAD to hug him and thank him!!! He said this was the highlight of his year! What a blessing that God allowed us to track him down!!


  1. Deanna, what a beautiful way to embrace the last 365 days. What an even braver act to intentionally go back and allow yourselves time and space to grieve and process and celebrate and thank. Praying for the days ahead as you feel much and experience His love and grace in even more profound places. You both shine! ~ Bekah Pogue

  2. Deanna, it was two years ago that you and Jon led worship for the Women's Retreat at Hume Lake. You both gave me chills and made me cry out of gratefulness with your version of, "The Prayer". I'm certain that I speak for many when I say that, because of you and Jon, that was a night I'll never forget.
    I've been reading your blog since you decided to share your heartbreaking story and incredible journey with the world. I've followed it and with each post you submit, I cried whilst reading most and was brought to my knees even more times, praying for God to heal the pain in your family and ease the burden.
    In all of that I would think to myself, "I really need to post something, anything to let her know that I'm praying for her!" Yes, I thought that but I'm ashamed to say I didn't do it until now because, I was always, "busy".
    "I'll do it later" I'd tell myself.
    So, here I am- not just to let you know I'm praying for you but to say ,Thank you.
    Deanna, Thank you for being an inspiration and such a strong woman of God, one who even in the face of fear and tragedy, prays and smiles. Morso, even as you admit to your fear and try to wrap your mind around the idea of losing a man you love so much- you never cease to thank God.
    I can only hope I'm half as strong as you, should I find myself in a similar space. You have shown me how amazing our God is as well as how incredibly short life is. Through your journey, I've learned to appreciate everyone and everything in my life. You have taught me how to completely surrender everything to Him, to wait on Him and most importantly to trust Him.
    Thank you for sharing your journey, for honoring God and for changing the way I view everything around me forever.
    Thank you and God bless you.