Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Morgan is in the hospital...

On Monday afternoon, Morgan (our newly 3 year old) was admitted to the hospital after having a severe cough and low oxygen levels.  Her oxygen levels are still very low and she is not yet improving.  We met with the Doctor today and I posted this on Facebook:  (thought I'd update the blog followers as well)  

Update: We met with the doctor. Here's the bottom line: Morgan has a virus. Most likely a more rare virus that doesn't present itself in the panel of virus tests they usually run. I have had a gazillion people text me and message me and email me and post on here asking about the Enterovirus. I figure I should just address that. Is it possible that Morgan has Enterovirus? Yes. Could she have another type? Yes. They are not going to do a specific test for the Enterovirus (or any other specific virus) at this point because it does not effect how they treat her. A virus is not bacterial, so there is no medication or antibiotics that can help. All they can do is what they are currently doing... Oxygen and breathing treatments to help clear the lungs + time. Her body needs time to fight. If they gave her different tests and were able to give the virus a name, it would change nothing as far as the course of action to take. (It would only elevate Jon and my stress level.)  So the reality is, we wait. We wait and see. By the grace of God, each one of us reading this are taking a breath. Morgan is no different. By God's grace. Am I struggling right now with the feeling of helplessness? Yes. I want answers and I want to know how to help my baby. But there is nothing I can do. Except the most powerful thing offered to any one of us - prayer. So I pray. And I ask you to pray. And I wait expectedly for God to strengthen and heal.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Brain Tumorversary Day...

Anniversary.  Birthday.  I don't quite know what to call it.  All I know is 1 year ago today, Jon was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  We have survived a full year.  When I mentioned to Jon that this date was approaching, he paused and said, "I can't believe I've lived with this eye pain for a year now."  If my kids were to comment on today marking 1 year, they would say, "I can't believe our dad has looked different for a full year."  If you were to talk to our parents, they would say, "I can't believe we've prayed this fervently for a year now."  If you asked Jon's co-workers about today, they would say, "I can't believe it's been a year since you've led worship at church." But me?  I can't believe we've survived a full year.  365 days is a lot of days.  The impact of those days are different, depending on who you ask.  Those 365 days held long nights in the hospital.  They held therapy appointments where Jon learned to eat, drink, walk, balance, throw, catch... again.  The past 365 days held months of Jon not being able to drive.  5, to be exact.   Those 365 days have held tears and pain and questions.  They have held celebrations and rejoicing and victories.  We have watched God show up in very practical ways through very beautiful people.  We have experienced the "peace that surpasses understanding" and can testify to its power.  We have experienced miracles that doctors cannot explain.  We have heard God say "Yes."  We have heard God say "No."  And we have heard Him say "Not yet."    And through each day, we have fallen deeper in love with each other.  We have fallen deeper in love with our children.  And we have fallen deeper - much deeper - in love with our Creator God.   Gratitude is our chief emotion.

Over the next few days, I plan to feel. More than I do on a day to day basis.  I want to let myself feel what I felt a year ago.   I plan to remember.  I plan to read texts I sent one year ago...  Telling of shock and disease and fear.  I plan to process it with Jon.  And hear what he feels.  The 24 hours between diagnosis and surgery was a blur.  We didn't have much time to think and process and feel.  So I want to go back to that place.  And feel it again.   I plan to grieve and celebrate.  And remember where our God has brought us from.  What He has done.  To see the deep deep pit and sit in wonder at His goodness.

One year ago today, our lives changed.  We lost much.  We gained much more.  Lost physical things. Gained spiritual things.  The trade off has been painful but beautiful.  I have never trusted God more. I have never believed Him more.  I have never known His faithfulness more.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.  
And to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know, "Thus sayeth the Lord"

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him over and over
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more.  

Happy Brain Tumorversary Day, Jon Ramsay.
You are the most courageous, handsome man I know.

And Happy Brain Tumorversary, God.
If I didn't know you so well, I'd think you were just showing off for the past year.   ;)
Thank you.


YOU GUYS!!!!! Tonight, we drove to Mission Hospital, went to the ER, waited for an hour, and then got to hug, look into his eyes, and thank our ER DOCTOR from one year ago tonight! This doctor saved Jon's life! He trusted his gut when Jon came in with his headache, and ordered the most extensive tests. We just HAD to hug him and thank him!!! He said this was the highlight of his year! What a blessing that God allowed us to track him down!!