Friday, January 31, 2014

I Spy...

I've been playing a lot of "I Spy" recently.  No, not with my kids.  With God.  I know God is faithful.  I know He gives good gifts.  But right now our life is in a holding pattern.  We're at a stand still.  Jon's recovery is, well, stuck.  He has gone above and beyond to strengthen and heal what is in his control.  And he's been very successful at that.  His strength and determination and hard work has been remarkable.  What's left are the things out of his control.   We won't know where his facial nerve "lands" for a few more months.  We're waiting for insurance to approve the next steps.  He deals with daily eye pain that will hopefully resolve over time on its own or through surgery.  But right now, everything just is.  It is what it is.

Have you ever been in a doctor's waiting room for a really long time?  Let's be honest.  It sucks.  You get bored.  Then you get antsy.  Then you start counting the number of tiles on the ceiling.  All you have is what's in front of you.  The outdated magazines.  The pamphlets that tell you what you should or should not be doing.  The lame background music.  The window that shows another brick building next door.  Your mind is consumed with what will happen after your name is finally called.  The shot.  The drilling.  The diagnosis.  The opinions.  The answers.  The excitement of a prenatal ultrasound.  The dread of the root canal.  The results of the biopsy.  There is excitement.  And fear.  There is insecurity in the unknown.

Jon and I have been sitting in the waiting room for awhile now.  We've read all the magazines.  And the pamphlets.  We are doing exactly what they say.  We have studied every picture on the wall.  Sometimes we luck out and a song comes on that we love.  So we dance.  Then other times a different type of song plays.  And we cry.  We are hopeful.  We are expectant.  And we war against fear.  However, if we're not careful, we can let the room get very narrow.   Stale.  Small.  The sound of the second hand ticking from the clock on the wall gets loud.  Very loud.  So we have decided to start playing a game.  A game of "I Spy."  Searching for the goodness of God.  Searching for the blessings. Because they are there.  We just have to have eyes to see them.  They are there in the friends who stop by and sit with us in the waiting room.  The ones who drop off coffee.  The ones who pick up our kids for a play date.  The blessings are in the music.  Music stirs our soul.  Even the songs that make us cry.  The blessings are in the window.  Because if you walk closer to the window, you can see past that brick building next door.  You can see the blue sky peaking in the corner.  And birds flying.  Life.  And a rainbow, displaying promises of God's goodness.

Here's what we know:  We know that God doesn't waste our time.  And His waiting room does not exist as a torture chamber that we get to "grin and bare it" until our name is called.  On the contrary, He works all things together for good to those who love Him.  There is good that will come out of our time in the waiting room.  There is much to be learned here.  It is a place where He shapes us.  And develops us.   It's where we learn to live with our hands held open.  It's a place to rest.  To exhale.   It's also not void of blessings.  Nor is it void of God Himself.  He is here with us.  His goodness is on us.  We have just found we have to intentionally look for them.  We have to have our eyes wide open and focused.  Because if we wanted to count ceiling tiles all day, every day, we could.  But I think God has more for us than ceiling tiles.  He has more for us than ticking clocks.  And some day I will sit and write all that we learned from the waiting room.  But for now, I'm just content with playing a game.  A child's game.  A game that trains the young eye to not just see the big things right in front of them.  But trains the eye to seek out the interesting.  The colors.

I Spy with my little eye....
Will you play with me?

1 comment:

  1. I spy authenticity and inspiration as God uses you to show others that His love covers even the most dire of circumstances. You are a breath of fresh air in a world where so many of us (yes, me too) whine when life gets hard, shaking our hands at God as if we expect our lives here on earth to be the perfection we'll find only in Heaven.