Single Moms - Your #1 Job Might be to DITCH Your Boyfriend...

Last Wednesday evening, I had one of the most amazing experiences of my life as well as one of the most horrifying experiences of my life.  And they happened at the exact same time.  I was able to score some tickets to the Taylor Swift concert for my daughter’s 9th birthday and I cannot express to you the sheer joy I felt as I watched my daughter dance carefree, singing along at the top of her lungs, and staring in awe and wonder at the lights, dancers and THE Taylor Swift. It was magical.  And at the exact same time, my world was absolutely rocked as I listened to a young girl sitting behind me get screamed at, cussed at, and berated by her mom’s boyfriend.  There are no words to adequately describe what I heard and saw.  

We were dancing our hearts out in the middle of one of the songs and all of a sudden I hear a man’s voice screaming behind me.  Every other word was a profanity and as I glanced to see what was going on, I found a very petite young girl, probably 11 years old at the most, wide eyed with tears streaming down her cheeks.  In between the man and the young girl, sat the young girl’s mom.  She sat silent, while her boyfriend leaned over her, getting in the young girl’s face with “f-ing this” and “f-ing that,” berating her at the top of his lungs.  When he would lunge toward her with threats of leaving the concert or taking away her cell phone, the mom would push him back a little, telling him to calm down.  He had a bottle of beer in his hand.  There was no calming him down.  Soon the young girl was sobbing, no, whaling.  It was a guttural cry.  After what seemed like an eternity, he finally sat back against his chair.  The young girl sat silently, while her mom turned to her and put her arm around her to make sure she was ok.  The young girl proceeded to ask her mom why she let him scream at her. The young girl then said, “Mom, he doesn’t even respect you or listen to you -  he wouldn’t calm down when you asked him to.” Instantly, the mom removed her arm around her daughter and started berating her own daughter.  “You know what?  YOU’RE the reason he did that!  You provoked him! It is all YOUR fault!”  And on and on she went, hurt and defensive from her young daughter’s statement.  The girl started sobbing again.  The mom rolled her eyes, then turned to her boyfriend, kissed him, and put her arm around him.  The line had been drawn.  Her allegiance was clear.  This young girl had no one.  She had no safe place. I wanted to slip her a note.  “Meet me in the bathroom.  I’ll help you escape!” I wanted to say.  Clearly that would be illegal.  I felt helpless in the moment.  The boyfriend was intoxicated and he was a BIG guy.  I felt fearful for my own physical well being (as well as my daughter’s) at the thought of jumping in.  Perhaps I should have.  The best I could do was keep turning around to let him know I could hear and was upset.  He could care less. 

What happened next was absolutely insane.  Taylor Swift started singing another song and it was one that everyone loved.  The boyfriend jumped to his feet, hollering in excitement and then stood on his chair - waving his hands in the air, dancing. The mom hopped to her feet, singing at the top of her lungs.  They were laughing and happy.  Almost like they had just gotten A HIGH off of what had just happened.  And the young girl?  She hopped up too, following their lead.  She turned off her emotions and jumped back into ‘concert mode.’  She pulled out her phone and started recording the beloved song, singing along.  They walked out of the arena that night as if nothing had happened.  But something had happened.  And I was still sick to my stomach.

I have never, EVER heard someone talk to a child like I did that night. And yet I know it happens every night.  Somewhere.

Single moms: Your #1 job in this world is to love and protect your children.  I know you are lonely.  I can only imagine how difficult it is to raise children alone.  My mother-in-law was a single mom for a season, and I have heard of the weight she carried.  I am so sorry you are in that difficult position.  I know you want a partner to do life with.  Someone to help carry the load.  I also know that at your core, you just want to love and be loved.  That is a very valid desire. I don’t think there’s a person in this world who doesn’t want that for themselves.  But because your #1 job is to love and protect your child, that means you have to date with caution.   No matter how good looking, how much money he has, how good his intentions…. if he doesn’t help you accomplish your #1 job, he  should have no place in your life.  If you think it’s “normal” and/or acceptable for a boyfriend to yell and scream, it’s not.  It’s just not.  At you or your child.  A loving relationship doesn’t consist of rage.  Even if he tells you he’s sorry.  Even if he tries to buy you a gift to show his remorse.  The damage is too great.  To yourself and to your kids.  Love yourself enough to raise the standard.  And if you can’t love yourself enough, love your child enough.  You are teaching your kids what a healthy dating life looks like.  What a healthy relationship looks like.  Stop the cycle of pain.  Show them what strength really looks like.  When your kids are grown and out of the house?  Fine.  Date who you like.  (though it will still ruin your life, at least you’re not ruining other young lives in the process)  But for now, choose your child.  Every time.

To married moms and dads: The above goes for us too. 

To young kids: If your mom (or dad) is dating someone who is unhealthy or unsafe, tell someone.  If your mom or dad is unsafe, tell someone.  If no one in your family is a safe person, talk to a teacher, school counselor, or church leader.  If nothing else, start with a trusted friend.  But whatever you do, TELL.  I want you to know this: It is not ok.  Rage is not ok.  Even if you messed up. Even if you made a mistake.  Even if you “provoked it.”  The response should never be rage and swearing and degradation.  You are of great worth.  You are special.  There is no other “you” in this world.  No matter what you are told or how you are made to feel, you have a purpose in this world.  Don’t let anyone hold you back from fulfilling that purpose.

Look. I know this is a gray area.  It was toward the end of the concert and I honestly thought, “If I go and get a security guard, by the time I get back up here, the concert will be over. And what are they going to do?  He only yelled at her.  He didn’t lay a hand on her or threaten any bodily harm.”  Was it ugly?  Yes.  But was it illegal?  Probably not.  My quick online research in the moment revealed that there are very few steps that can be done to help in a situation like this.  So, to the blog I went.  

Parents - Single or Married - Let’s love our kids toward better behavior.  The shaming and rage and anger is not going to produce the behavior change we want.  I mean, maybe for a time, behavior modification can work with enough fear based parenting. But to reach their heart and have life long behavioral changes, we must start with love.  Love and protection.  From whoever it may be - boyfriend, girlfriend, coach, teacher, parent’s friend… It’s our #1 job.  

And to Staples Center - Maybe, just maybe, one thing that you could do to help in this… stop serving alcohol at events that are mostly attended by children and their parents.  The majority of the audience that night consisted of parents and their kids.  Clearly alcohol isn’t an appropriate ingredient in a “parent/child night out.” Not to mention for the drive home.

And finally to Taylor Swift - We love you and loved your show.  Thank you for a magical evening and  hopefully for lessons learned.

Jon's Latest MRI Results...

Well, we just walked out of our appointment with Jon's neurosurgeon to go over the results of the MRI.  Can I just say how grateful I am for the sovereignty of God?  Jon had fears associated with both possible outcomes of this test and yet we are completely dependent on God and His perfect will for Jon's life.

The MRI results showed NO major growth in Jon's tumor!  There was a possible minor change in the base of the tumor, but not enough to be worried or take action at this point.  The neurosurgeon said, and I quote, "If you are brave, we could drill back into the skull and do another 12 hour surgery and try to remove more of the tumor.  Only if you're feeling brave."  (It was a bit tongue in cheek) ;)  We told him we are NOT feeling that brave.  ;)

He did recommend doing a panel of blood work to help navigate through some of Jon's symptoms.

The bottom line is that Jon's fear of them "finding nothing and having this just be his new normal" may just be reality.  We were able to chat with another brain tumor survivor who said she experiences the same symptoms that Jon does.. and she's about 2 years further along on her journey than Jon.  Hm.  I know typically that should make someone feel better.  "Normal" at least.  But to Jon, it's scary.  It makes him feel trapped.  As we stood in the parking lot after his appointment, Jon admitted he walked into the appointment feeling "open handed" and walked out feeling burdened.  And trust me, we can throw scripture and God's goodness all over this situation.  It's not that.  It's just the human-ness wanting to be well.  Fully well.  No symptoms.  Nothing holding any parts of him back.  A thriving body.  We still fight to navigate the space between considering this our "new normal" or "hoping this is a temporary 'new normal' - until he is fully healed."  But what if this is just the "new normal?"  Like, period.  What if these symptoms of him "not feeling well" are actually the new normal of what he should now be calling, "feeling well" in his new state?  Ugh.

I paused writing this to call Jon and said he was on a walk.  He said, "I feel like I just took a nose dive."  So he's walking.  And praying.  And surrendering.  Once again.

This should be a REALLY HAPPY post.  And it is.  There was no new growth!  (insert happy dance, right?!)  But in an attempt to "live out loud" and walk this road openly and honestly, I share with you the messy stuff too.  The complicated, confusing, battle ground pains.  Thank you for covering us with grace on the journey.

I started this post by worshiping God for His sovereignty.  And that's where I want to wrap it up, too.
It's the beauty of trusting in and having relationship with a perfect God.  We declare who He is.  We give Him our junk.  And then we rest in who He is.   Lather. Rinse. Repeat.  Sometimes several times a day.  We remind ourselves of who He is.  We bring our brokenness, hurts, desires, hopes, EVERYTHING to Him.  And then we exhale into His arms.

Thank you for praying. Thank you for loving.
We are grateful to be journeying alongside such gracious, patient warriors.
XO

Jon's Having An Unplanned MRI....

Hello there.
Yes, you. The one who chose to read this blog, knowing it's about Jon and his brain tumor journey.  Thanks for being here.  Still.
It's been awhile since I've written on this topic.  I'm sitting here trying to figure out why that is.  It's not because there's nothing to say.  I think it's because we got tired of talking about it.  Or maybe we thought you were tired of hearing about it.  Hmmm... Not sure.  Well, regardless, we're here again, asking for prayer.

For the past little while, Jon has not been feeling his best.  Several times while walking up the stairs, he has tripped or lost his balance.  Then a few weeks ago, Jon fell off of a ladder. (Jon has always had really great balance.  I mean, he even climbed Mt Whitney last year, post surgery!  So this is not "normal" for him.)   A few days after his fall, he put in a really long, physically intense work day in Mexico where he led our church on a trip to build a house for a family in need.  Since that day, his body has been completely worn out and has not been able to recover.  Anyway, there are some other issues he has been experiencing, but the bottom line is his Neurosurgeon has decided he would like to do an MRI to see if the tumor is growing again and causing these issues.  (His routine MRI was not scheduled for several more months)
So tonight, at 9pm, Jon is going to the hospital for his MRI.

I will be honest for Jon here.  (I think he'll give me this freedom)  :)  Jon does't know which he is more scared of:
1) the possibility that they find something in the MRI
or
2) the possibility that they will find nothing in the MRI, but instead, they'll tell Jon this is just his 'new normal.'

Either way, he's scared.  Would you pray for him?  Ultimately, of course our prayer is that they find NOTHING bad in this MRI.  Our prayer is always that the tumor would be gone!  And at the same time, we continue to pray for healing from what is going on.  Complete healing.  Healing in Jon's balance, his endurance, his strength...  Healing for his eye, his facial paralysis, even his hearing.  God is able!

Thank you.
Thank you for praying.  Again.  And again.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen.  - Ephesians 3:20

One of THE Best Gifts You Can Give Your Child....

The week before my wedding, my dad and I were on a lunch date and he looked at me and said, "Deanna, is there anything you wish I would have done better as a parent?  Is there anything I need to apologize for?"  "Hmmm.." I thought for a moment, "I wish you would have put me in sports. You saw I had musical talent and so that is all you encouraged me toward.  But I wish I would have also been encouraged toward being an athlete."  He looked at me with kind eyes and said, "You're right.  I am so sorry your mom and I didn't do that.  Will you forgive me?"  I laughed a little, as clearly this wasn't something that he needed forgiveness for.  Thinking through 21 years of growing up, and my one complaint was that my parents encouraged me toward what was clearly a special gift and didn't encourage me toward what was clearly not my gift?  I'd say we were doing alright.  ;)

The profound thing in that lunchtime moment, was that the question my dad asked me was absolutely, completely normal in our home.  My dad and mom would always check in with us.  They would always be seeking to 'right' any 'wrongs.'  I have such beautiful memories of my dad or mom walking into my room, sitting on my bed, and saying, "I'm so sorry for how I reacted in ---- situation today.  Will you forgive me?"  Or "I didn't handle ---- fairly today.  I'm so sorry.  Will you forgive me?"  There was no pride.  And if there was ever a moment when pride would try to sneak in, it was openly talked about.  I remember a few times my mom was struggling to admit fault in a situation where she clearly was in the wrong.  She kind of talked in circles and I remember my dad saying, "I feel like we're on the show 'Happy Days' and The Fonz won't admit he's wrong.  You know how he has to stutter it out "I was wr-wr-wr-wr-wrong."  We all laughed and that became a "thing" in our family for my mom.  If she would ever find herself talking in circles, trying to justify something she had done, she would pause and go, "OK.  I was wr-wr-wr-wr-wrong."   We laughed. And loved. And offered grace.

As a mom of 4 today, I now marvel at the incredible display of honesty, intentionality, and humility my dad and mom parented with.  When I think of the gifts I want to pass down to my kids, these rank on the top of the list.

This past week, Jon and I called a family meeting with our party of 6.  We had been sensing tension in our home.  Not a lot of patience, bad tone of voice, getting angry quick... the list of what we were seeing/experiencing was getting long.  We were definitely in need of a re-boot.  We sat down as a family and Jon and I started out by apologizing.  We confessed the areas where we were not being the best of who we are.  (impatient, frustration turning to anger, overreacting...) We gave specific instances.  We asked for their forgiveness.  Then we talked about the tone of our home and what we were seeing in the kids interactions with each other and us.  The kids joined the conversation and talked about where they thought they could improve - even apologizing to each other and us.  We set out a new plan.  Reminded ourselves of who we want to be.  And then we prayed together, asking God to help us to live that out.

The gift of humility in parenting is so important and so beautiful.  Our kids need to know we are not perfect.  They need to know that we need forgiveness just as much as they do.  They need to know that when they mess up, we are a safe place to come to and confess it.  Because we understand the desperation for grace.
And when we prove to be a safe, loving, grace-giver, we teach them to be safe, loving, grace-givers.  And this world begins to heal.  One person at a time.  One relationship at a time.
But it starts with me.  And you.
Maybe in a family meeting in your living room.
Or maybe at a coffee shop a week before your daughter's wedding.
It's never too late.  And it's never too early.

....Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me...

My Tween's Attitude and My God's Grace...

My oldest child, Jackson, is apparently a "tween."  I didn't know that was a real thing until recently.  I have always thought of everything before 'being a teenager' as a really fun and sweet stage.  And then I imagine the teen years as being really fun and hormonal. ;)  But apparently there is thing thing called being a "tween" and I didn't realize how Real it was until recently, when my almost 11 year old super sweet, kind, respectful son spoke to me in a tone of voice that, well, let me just say it was a tone of voice that made me want to put him over my knee for a spanking.  If only he were 2. ;)  My eyeballs got big and my heart started racing and it. got. real.  My husband and I both stared at each other, speechless.  We held our tongues and through gritted teeth sent him to his room.  We clearly needed a minute to gather our thoughts (and our jaws off the floor).  For several minutes we prayed and asked God for wisdom.  We wanted to reach his HEART.  We know we can force his behavior.  We know we can tell him that something he did is wrong and give him a consequence.  We know we can force his hand and have him preform how we want him to.  But what good is that in the long term?  We want to reach his heart.

We didn't feel a ton of clarity on what to say, but our hearts were beating at a normal rate again, so we walked into Jackson's room.   We began talking together and Jackson was very defensive.  We explained why his tone matters and why it's not ok.  And then we went on to remind him of who he is.  Jackson is kind.  He is gentle.  He is respectful.  He is loving.  The way he had spoken to me wasn't really "him."  At least not the best version of him.  After a few minutes, Jackson started to cry.   I'll never forget what he said through his tears.  "I know I'm not supposed to talk like that.  And I don't want to talk like that.  But sometimes I feel like I can't control myself."  Eek!  I couldn't contain my excitement.  "Oh Jackson," I said.  "I'm so glad that you feel like that.  I love that you were able to express that to us.   You know why?  Because THIS is how you know that you need a savior.  THIS is how we know we need Jesus.  Because we ALL mess up.  We ALL make mistakes.  And when we know the right thing to do, and we don't do it? That's sin.  And when we acknowledge that we didn't do the right thing, we realize how desperately we need God's grace.  Dad and I need it.  You need it.  And these moments just highlight it.  What a beautiful reminder.  And you know what?  You're right.  You can't control yourself.  But I remember sitting with you when you prayed and asked God to come into your life.  You surrendered your life to Him and His spirit is now with you and in you.  Always.  So although you can't control your tongue, His spirit can!  We are not patient and kind and gentle and have self control by nature.  But God in us helps us to be those things.  And when we mess up, because we all are going to mess up at times, He offers His grace.  I love that you got to experience your need for His help today.  Because daddy and I need it every single day. Welcome to the club."

We talked for awhile more and hugged and then left Jackson in his room.  He was laying on his bed and just needed time to process.  Jon and I went back into our room, cleaning up our closets and folding laundry.  I continued to pray for Jackson - that God would reach his tween heart.  After about 40 minutes, Jackson came into our room with a completely different spirit.  He almost had a spring in his step.  He excitedly said to Jon, "Dad, I was just in my room praying and I felt like God told me that I just need to start over.  That I needed a 'do-over.'  So dad, can I have a do-over?  Can I start today over?"  Jon gave him a huge hug and said, "ABSOLUTELY."  I peeked from around the corner and smiled at him.  "Jackson, you can always have a do-over.  Any time you ask for a 'do-over' the answer will be yes.  Daddy and I need "do overs" all the time.  And because God gives them infinitely to us, we will give them infinitely to you."

Friends, I don't know about you, but I was preaching to myself as much as I was preaching to Jackson.  Do my failures push me down into a pit where I focus on my inadequacies?  Or do they simply highlight my need for a savior and propel me toward worship?  Do they weigh me down?  Or do they compel me toward repentance and ultimately freedom?
Do you need a "do-over"?  Me too.
Need another one in 5 minutes?  God's grace is deep enough, wide enough, high enough.

God, help us to love our babies how you love them.  Help us to reach their hearts.  Help us to heap on the grace.  And when it's needed again?  Give us the extra portions.  Thank you for the grace you lavish on us.  It is extravagant and knows no bounds.  May our failures only propel us toward humility and ultimately toward You.  May we live in the knowledge of Your unconditional love and may we extend that same gift to those whose lives intersect ours.
With hearts bursting full of gratitude,  Amen.

I'm Either Depressed or I Need a Nap....

“I’m either depressed or I need a nap.”  I said to Jon, a few weeks ago.  I laughed as I said it, imagining myself telling my friends, “I thought I was depressed.  Turns out I just needed a nap! Who knew?!?”  LOL!  (Hmm..  I wonder how many other “fake depressed” people are out there, who just need a freaking vacation?)  The truth is, I didn’t know which one it was.  All I knew was I was not myself.  Wait, let me rephrase that.  I am currently not myself.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not a 24 hour, every day thing.  But the “whole” of me is just not feeling “whole.”  Things that usually roll right off my back have started to ruffle me.  If something “bad” happens at 9am, my whole day feels shot.  If you know me, you know that is so not “me.”  The “me” I’ve been my whole life is laid back, easy going and generally happy.  The “me” I have been recently seems more skeptical, easily defeated, and fragile.  The best compliment my husband has ever given me was when he told me, “Babe, you are easy to come home to.”  I mean, come on. How cool is that to hear from your husband!?!  I pride myself on being a low-maintenance wife.  (his words, not mine)  ;)  But for several days, I found Jon coming home, looking at me and saying, “How are you doing today, babe?”  His demeanor and vibe was definitely testing out the temperature of home-life that day.  He just wanted to know what he’s walking in on - a happy wife, a tired wife, a frustrated mom?   In the past, he’s always come home to a pretty even keeled wife.  Even on my hardest days as a mom, I’ve never “tapped out” when Jon’s walked in the door.  But for the past few weeks, I’ve found his presence to be sweet relief to my tired soul.  I just couldn’t put my finger on the “why.”  

I shared my current struggle with my community group.  I shared it with friends.  Heck, if I’ve run into you lately and you’ve asked me how I’m doing, I’ve probably told you!  I’m a “live out loud” kind of girl and I just know I’m not ‘the best version of Deanna’ right now.  I’ve been working out and eating healthy.  And Lord knows my Graves Disease, radiation-demolished thyroid is no help.  But deep down, I know it’s beyond that. I have had several friends, after listening to me talk about this, ask if I want to go on medication.  Now I do not judge anyone who is on medication for depression.  I’ve sat with friends who have suffered through depression and in the truest sense of the phrase, I know ‘the struggle is REAL.’  However, I knew that my struggle was not a chemical imbalance.  I wanted to get to the core of my brokenness.  Not mask it.  

So last Tuesday night, as Jon and I sat with a small group of trusted advisors and friends, as we were all sharing about what God is doing in our lives, I blurted out, “My burden is heavy.”  As the words came out of my mouth, I knew it.  THIS. IS. IT.  I'm not depressed.  And a nap isn't going to fix anything.  My burden is freaking heavy.  All sorts of Bible verse swirled in my head… “My burden is light..” says the Lord.  “Cast your cares upon Me.” He reminds.  “My yolk is easy..” He promises.  But I wasn’t living in any of that.  My cares weighed approximately 10,000 tons and they seemed to make their home on my person, like a parasite, eating me away. 
I. Can’t. Live. Like. This.  
“You weren’t created to live like this, my sweet daughter.” He whispered.  
“SHHH!” I said. “I can’t hear my fears and doubt when you’re talking to me.  The fears and doubts are important.  They need time and attention.  They are real, valid things, ok?   What if… what if…” 

You guys.  My burden has been so freaking heavy.  18 months ago, when life turned upside down, God literally carried me.  His peace ruled my heart.  His faithfulness was undeniable.  Well, 18 months later, I think I took a look around me and went, “Holy crap. Is this really my life?  Is this really my new normal? How did I get 4 kids?  4 kids is a lot.  And my husband is on disability.  Still.  Because he can’t do his job. The job he’s done for the past 16 years and went to college to get his degree in.  He’s starting over at ground zero.  And the singing we’ve done together - literally traveling the world together - will never be the same again.”  

And then fear and doubt started to seep into other areas…  “I live in Orange County.  Do I really fit in the OC?  Does the OC like me?  Does it like my kids?  I mean, we’re SO not the high income earning, sports excelling family.”  

And then it crept from fear and doubt into ungratefulness… “Look at everything in my house.  Everything in my house is either hand-me-downs or gifts from people.  I used to walk in here every day, overwhelmed with gratitude for how God provides.  Now I look around and think, “I didn’t get to pick any of this out.  It’s just what others have given me. Is my home even “mine?” I don’t like it anymore.”  

Fear and doubt and ungratefulness are liars.  LIARS.  They have led me down a pit that is heavy.  Oh so heavy.  

Now let me clarify, I don’t live in the pit.  My kids wouldn’t say I’ve been in a pit.  I am so happy at times.  And really enjoy life at times.  But “at times” was never a part of how I typically lived.  It just was. 

Jon recently asked me what it looks like to “cast my cares” on Jesus.  He asked me how I would get to experiencing God’s “light burden.”  I love my husband for this.  Because for the few weeks that it took me to get to this place, he just loved me.  He sat in the pit with me.  He even said it was his joy to journey with me in this.  But once I knew the “what,” he waited a few days, and then encouraged me to explore the “how.”  

Here’s where I’m at on my discovery of “how”:

1. Say it out loud.  When we speak light into the darkness, the darkness loses its power.  From the moment I blurted out “My burden is heavy,” my burden felt lighter.  Verbalizing things make them feel not so giant sized.  In fact, the more I talked, the smaller it seemed.  Did they go away?  No.  But it helped with perspective.  And to speak it out loud to people who love you and love Jesus?  All of a sudden I had people who were speaking truth to me, reminding me of who I am and who God is. Which leads me to…
2. Remember who God is.  Sometimes I forget how big God is.  Sometimes I forget how faithful He has been.  One walk down Memory Lane with Him, and my fears and doubts seem to fade away, in light of who He is.  He is SOVEREIGN.  Dangit.  If only I could remember to live in that truth.
3. Gratitude.  Gratitude is such a beautiful remedy for so many struggles.  Jealousy.  Pride.  Greed.  I can look at the things in my house as evidences of God’s miraculous provision.  Or I can look at the things in my house as a pile of stuff that I didn’t get to pick out. (aka I didn’t have control over.  Ouch. Control. Issues.)  My house is still my house.  The items in it don’t change.  The only thing that can change is how I look at it.
4. Confession.  I hadn’t confessed my fears and doubt to God.  I had prayed over my HOPES.  But I hadn’t confessed my JUNK.  I hadn’t handed them over to Him to take and deal with.  I needed to name them, confess them and release them.  Confessing them to trusted friends was also a beautiful (and biblical) experience.  So much freedom in confessing in community.  Again, bringing dark things to light = healing.  

I am still learning what it looks like to “cast my cares” and experience God’s “light burden.”  I will write more as I learn more.  And if you are an experienced “caster of cares,” what does that look like in your life?  

A Homeless Couple Asked my Husband for Money...

I was so inspired last night by my husband, as we sat at the dinner table and went around one by one, sharing about our day.  Jon​ shared that he was approached at work by a man and his girlfriend who are homeless - living in their car.
They asked for money for gas and food.

I assumed Jon would give them money for those things, because we try to live very open handed.  Meaning, we don't judge the person or try to guess what they'll actually do with the money.  We believe that giving has a lot more to do with our own heart of generosity, and less to do with making sure the person we give to is a good steward of the money.  It's our job to be generous.  Living this way has helped us to have such freedom in our giving.  It's a quick heart check.  Does my money own me? Or am I blessed to be a blessing?

We've been on the receiving end of this type of generosity as well - Where someone has given us money and we responded saying, "Wow, we will do _____ with it..."  and the person interrupted us and said, "You do with it what you need to.  I don't need to know about it.  This isn't my money.  It's God's money given to you through me."  Wow.  Jon and I then felt accountable to God for our use of the money.  Not to the person.  It's such a more free way to live for all parties involved.

So yesterday, when approached by the homeless couple, Jon shared that he didn't just give them money.  He asked them out to lunch.  Yes, he filled up their gas tank and yes, he filled their bellies, but more than that, he joined them at the table.  He sat with them and ate with them and asked about their stories.  He got to know THEM.  Not just their need.  THEM.

I listened to him talk about this couple, with a heart of love and compassion.

1 Corinthians 13:3 says, "If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my own body, I could boast about it; but if I did not love others, I would have gained nothing."

Thank you, Jon, for giving me a glimpse of what it looks like to live this out.